Hash Trash 799, DiERECTIONs 800- ON ON After!!

Directions were far clearer to Rishon this time around (altho' there was debate as to which traffic light constituted the FIRST light of six to count). We met at SportKef park in the concrete jungle. AIDS was pushing t-shirts out of the trunk of her car... she's caught the virus and really enjoyed this type of sales. Off we ran! Around a park! Through the streets! The blobs of flour were few and far between. Thankfully our hare remembered where we were ultimately off to, so despite the blob-lite (now with fewer calories!) trail, we made our way to the Park of Leaders. Border Bitch guessed that every old dude was Jabotinsky or Arlozorov. She was wrong. There was a young group of American kids that were SUPER excited that there were Americans running. We were too sweaty and thirsty for beer to continue chatting with them. At the halfway, the group sang a song that White Pointers SWORE we'd all know in English (we didn't), but it was a bastardized version of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. Sung in Hebrew. From there we continued slogging along, next to the highway, behind a shopping center and back to the circle. Thankfully there was a gigantic truck in the parking lot and we all huddled next to it in the waning shade. Beer was drunk, salty MSG laden crackers were eaten, we went home.

DOWNDOWNS!

Hares: RamalamablingDong, White Pointers
FRB: Wind Breaker
DFL: Deliverance, Porn Queen
SCB: Desperate Housewife, Porn Queen, Daniel
Misnaming: Fart Smella
Virgins: Tony
Relievers: Tony (was he a virgin reliever?)
Returnees: Bullshit, RamalamablingDong, White Pointers, Squidgy
Brrrring Brrring: RamalamablingDong (RamalamaRingDong?)
Flying through the air with the greatest of ease: Deliverance
The Dog Ate My Hash Shirt: Allie, Tal, Maria, Bullshit

DiERECTIONs to RUN 800!

This Saturday's Hash will be at the Alexander River at 4:00PM. There will be an ON ON following the Hash

From Herzliyya and Tel Aviv: Please note that if you miss the turn after the brown sign you will have to go over 16 kilometers to get back to the turn so pay attention!

Take the coastal road (Highway 2) towards Haifa. Go straight on the 2 until you PASS Yannay exit. There is a shopping area and Paz gas station on your right. After passing the exit you will need to get in the right hand lane and slow down a bit. You will see BROWN sign that says Alexander River, prepare to turn right. When the guard rail stops you make that right turn onto an unpaved road. Make a another right and an immediate left. Your hare will be waiting there for you.

800th run ON ON at Tal's parent's house. Tal has graciously agreed to let us trespass on his folk's property which is close to the Hash. They have a pool! Please bring the mandatory meats and salads to share. Don't forget a bathing suit and a towel.

Lost: Deliverance 054-300-5092

Hare Roster- Victims Solicited to Pinch-Hit for Penis Pan on August 15th!

8-Aug Border Bitch

15-Aug WHO WILL IT BE?????

22-Aug Croc Sucker

29-Aug Semen

5-Sep Wet Pussy

12-Sep Fatty Tatty

19-Sep Quickie

26-Sep Long Horny

3-Oct Desperate Housewife

10-Oct Goldmember

17-Oct Fart Smeller

T-Shirts! Get your 800 Run T-Shirts!

If you missed the experience of buying a shirt out of the back of AIDS' car yesterday YOU STILL HAVE TIME!!!!
There are still shirts available in Small, Medium and 16 (teeny). If your beer gut is too robust for these sizes, the company is willing to print us more shirts for the same price (25 NIS!!!).

If you're interested cont(r)act AIDS (Merav) with a size and color by Wednesday morning, 2462462@gmail.com.

 

On-on!

Hash Scribe

www.holylandhhh.blogspot.com

Hash Trash Run 798, DiERECTIONs run 799, Give Me All Your Money (for shirts)

It didn't seem possible, but somehow it was- this hash was EVEN hotter than the previous week. We met at Migdal Tsedek around the world's tiniest circle (yes, yes, I know, it's how you USE the circle that counts). We were promised a historical narrative about the fort; this boiled down to Caveman drunkenly rambling on about Delta Force and buying a copy of the movie for $49.99. Whatever. The check it out was bellowed and Tal and Wet Pussy ran up the dirt road to the fortress-thingy- they refused to believe they were heading in the wrong direction EVEN AFTER the on-on was called in a shiggy universe far, far away. The pack ran through the concrete jungle of Rosh Ha-Ayin- let me educate all of you as to the "Urban Heat Island Effect" which essentially boils down to this: it is scorchingly hot in concrete and built up areas. Long Horny was a chipper hare for the first half, but even he was shocked at the conditions the pack was subject to- we quite literally ran (walked) through a dump. Ever wonder where construction items go after remodeling? Yeah, they're dumped in Rosh Ha-Ayin. Desperate Housewife was careful to warn everyone away from the gigantic rusty nail sticking out of a board, as the group scrambled over rocks, old sheet rock and brambles. Twin Peaks tiny little legs could barely span the gap from rock to rock and we wondered if this would be the first hash where someone would die (for a veritable panoply of reasons). Blood was drawn and more than one hasher commented that they were about due for a tetanus shot. The pack THOUGHT they had found the half way (and why not? It was a flour circle with JB in the center), but chipper hare said there had been some "disagreement" as to where the half point was. It was not here. On and on we ran, up a hill, Border Bitch nearly passed out, and we were finally reunited with the walkers. The OFFICIAL halfway was in a nook in the fort. John Buttons was mumbled, the group choked on the dust and more than one intrepid hasher pulled their shirt over their mouth so they could breathe. At the half, the runners switched hares and we were led by the inebriated and confused Caveman. Unsurprisingly, the hashers ran in the wrong direction through more brambles and into a cactus patch. The wise hare said, "Oh, wait. Not that way. This way." Yup, still wrong. Semen was really, really angry. Border Bitch and Boston semi-abandoned the trail (or not, since no one could remember precisely where it was) and somehow, everyone made it back to the circle, licked their wounds and temporarily renamed Caveman Bleeding Prick.

Down-Downs
Hares: Bleeding, Frigging Prick & Long Horny
FRB: Border Bitch
DFL: Deliverance & Semen
Not In Touch With Their Inner Child/Shortcutters: Everyone BUT Boston Creamed & Penis Pan Virgins: Daniel
Performance Enhancing Drugs:Border Bitch
50 Runs: Desperate Housewife
Big New Jugs: Boston Creamed, Deliverance
The Other Left!: Dyke.Cum, Boston Creamed
...See you next fall! Caveman
Excessive Enthusiasm: Tal

******************************************
800 Run Shirt Info!

Shirts will be ready for pickup on SATURDAY- Cont(r)act AIDS for more info!
No, seriously. AIDS will have your shirts on Saturday, so bring 25 NIS for each shirt ordered.

********************************************

Di-ERECTION-s to Run 799
HARE: White Pointers WHEN: Saturday 25 July, 4pm
WHERE: SPORTKEF PARK, Rishon Letzion

Directions to get there: Coming in Route no 4 south- take the right To Rishon Le Zion (west) turn right on the bridge, first light straight, second light left and left again in the first light, drive straight till the circle, park in the parking area after the circle. Coming in route 20 Ayalon South, take right in the exit to Rishon Le Zion east (under the bridge, one after Komemiute) drive straight on Moshe Dayan road, in the sixth light take right and then left in the first light, drive straight till the circle, park in the parking area after the circle. Lost???? White Pointers 050-6444759 , Ramalamablingdong 052-4238867

HARE ROSTER- Set It, or Find Another Victim!!!

1-Aug Deliverance

8-Aug Border Bitch

15-Aug Penis Pan

22-Aug Croc Sucker

29-Aug Semen

5-Sep Wet Pussy

12-Sep Fatty Tatty

19-Sep Quickie

26-Sep Long Horny

3-Oct Desperate Housewife

10-Oct Goldmember

17-Oct Fart Smeller

Hash Trash- Run 797, diERECTIONs to 798- On On after, Impromptu Sunday Night Hash Party, Order your Tshirts!

After a quick relocation of the starting point due to the Maccabi Games, the group met up at their favorite corner to work in Kohav Hatsafon. It was about 3,000,000,000,000 degrees out and the hares were apparently too cheap to buy enough flour. Blobs were microscopic and a vote was taken that the hash needs a Readers Digest LARGE FONT edition blobs. At the half-way we sang Old MacDonald with limited enthusiasm, and the second half was most definitely shorter than the first half, which suited the scribe just fine. The scribe can't remember much else, because she enjoyed the cool, cool beer at the end far too much.... but we all got AIDS. And by that, I mean we all poured flour on the hasher formerly known as Merav. Hares: AmboHo, Porn Queen FRB: Desperate Housewife DFL: R2D2 Shortcutters: Cassie, Ally Virgins: Pig Woman, Tal, Susan, Ally, Sigal Brrring Brrring How May I Direct Your Call? Porn Queen, Twin Peaks Trailblazers/Lost Hashers: Desperate Housewife, R2D2, C3P0 Kickass Sock Guy Sock Fans: Border Bitch, Twin Peaks   DiERECTIONs to Run 798:   Hare: Caveman Where/When: Saturday, 18 July This weeks Hash run will start the Midgal Tsedek National Park. Di-erection-s to get there take Route 5 East to Rosh HaAyin. On to Route 444 which will go around Rosh Hayin to the South. Hopefully you will pass Rosh Hayin on the Left and Kibbutz Einat on the Right. As the 444 bears to the Right there's a set of lights where you should turn Left. In front of you on the hill will be crusader ruins (where the movie Delta Force was filmed) where we start. Before the run your hare or Pregnant Pause will give a short crusader lecture with a quiz at the end. Those passing the quiz will get a down-down. After-Hash party at Yigal's Shipudiya for pay-for-your-own fat dripping Shuwarma (at the junction of Rts. 5 + 40). Lost???? Captain Caveman 052-2445644   Sunday Impromptu Hash Party: Where: The Dancing Camel, Ha-Taasiya Street, at the intersection with Ha-Mesger, Tel Aviv. When: 19:30 onwards Why: Because the beer is excellent and cheap (1+1 until 21:30) AND they're showing Reservoir Dogs at 8pm! Talk to Border Bitch if you're interested   ORDER YOUR 800th RUN T-SHIRT! Pick a color and a size by WEDNESDAY or go naked on the run. Talk to Dyke.Cum to order (Strickland.michelle@gmail.com)   HASH ROSTER… if you can't set, find someone who can!!! 25-Jul White Pointers 1-Aug Deliverance 8-Aug Border Bitch 15-Aug Penis Pan 22-Aug Croc Sucker 29-Aug Semen 5-Sep Wet Pussy 12-Sep Fatty Tatty 19-Sep Quickie 20-Sep Ramalamablingdong 27-Sep Long Horny 3-Oct Desperate Housewife 10-Oct Goldmember 17-Oct Fart Smeller   On-on! Hash Scribe www.holylandhhh.blogspot.com

CHANGE OF PLANS! New STARTING LOCATION!!

In the words of the RA "It wouldn't be prudent" to start the hash at its original location because the Maccabi Games are on and the parking lot is filled with tents and cars and various debris associated with sporting events.   New Location, Same Great Hare:   Where? The old standby: the corner of Levi Eshcol and Maurizio Vitale in Kohav Hatsafon http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=maurizio+vitale+tel+aviv,+israel&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=33.29802,56.337891&ie=UTF8&ll=32.101971,34.790118&spn=0.008689,0.013754&z=16 On-on! Hash Scribe www.holylandhhh.blogspot.com

But wait! There's more!

Listen, the scribe gets complaints when the HT goes out late... so the scribe was on top of things and sent it out early, only to get a last minute addition. Here it is: ----------------------------------- The HHHH is fast approaching another milestone - 800 runs.  To celebrate this achievement we have a limited number of commemorative t-shirts available for purchase.  The cost will be between 25-30NIS. These t-shirts will be printed at the same place as the hash weekend t-shirts.  Note that there are no women specific sizing, available sizes are 16 S M L XL.  If you would like to order a t-shirt please email Dyke dot cum (strickland.michelle@gmail.com) with your size and preferred t-shirt colour. ----------------------------------- On-on! Hash Scribe www.holylandhhh.blogspot.com

Hash Trash Run 796, DiERECTIONs for 797

The day did not start well for one of the hashers, and continued to go downhill. Our darling AmboHo (the beer meister) found herself locked in the garbage room at her apartment for quite some time. Oddly enough, the scribe must have walked past our stranded beer meister while walking the dog. Amboho was released from the clutches of the trash room and drove BB and Desperate Housewife to the run. At the circle, while unloading all the coolers of delicious nectar, a furious toxic cloud exploded out of the back of the car. Amboho had set off the fire extinguisher in the trunk. The downdown beers, the Beer Meister and the clean change of clothes the scribe brought to the hash are now sufficiently retarded… flame retarded. So anyway, the run! We met in the German Colony, parked illegally, ran through birthday parties, through the city and at the halfway sang "If you're happy and you know it." Locals looked at the group like the Special Needs Adults were being led on a field trip away from the group home. The holds were color-coded, including some red, white and blue ones in honor of the World's Most Awesome Nation having a birthday. At the on in Border Bitch (perhaps under the influence of fire extinguisher poison) tripped, flapped her arms, did some crazy dance, cursed and just about plowed into Cassie. She stayed on her feet, the pack made it back to the circle. Beers were had, and then they brought the On On to Buzz Stop so CrockSucker could join in the fun. DOWNDOWNS Hare: Merav, Porn Queen FRB: Penis Pan DFL: CockBlock Virgins: Cock Block, Battery Motivated Wench (BMW) Late Cummers: Semen, Twin Peaks, Cock Block, BMW Flying Wallenda: Border Bitch Tinkle, Tinkle Little Star: Cassie, Cock Block, BMW Cleanliness is next to Godliness: Cock Block, BMW Chatty Cathy: Twin Peaks RUN 797 Hare: AmboHo Location: Hadar Yosef Stadium, When: 4pm Saturday Directions: Ayalon north or south to Rokach, and exit to head east. Make a right on Sheetrit (about 1k from Ayalon exit, first set of lights), enter 2nd car park on the right at Hadar Yosef Stadium (700 m from intersection).Make a left in car park and move to the eastern end. Lost??? Call the hare and tell her you've missed the 75 runs we've set from this location 052-545-2319 HARE ROSTER- If you can't do it on the day, find someone who can 18-Jul Caveman 25-Jul White Pointers 1-Aug Deliverance 8-Aug Border Bitch 15-Aug Penis Pan 22-Aug Croc Sucker 29-Aug Semen 5-Sep Wet Pussy 12-Sep Fatty Tatty 19-Sep Quickie 20-Sep Ramalamablingdong 27-Sep Long Horny 3-Oct Desperate Housewife 10-Oct Goldmember 17-Oct Fart Smeller

Hash Trash 795, Directions for Hash 796- On On Afterwards at Buzz Stop!

First of all, not only is the H4 on FACEBOOK, but we have a new website!!!! www.israelhhh.com RUN 795:  The pack met at an old favorite, Cheerio Park. The trail was lost many times and the nonstop stream of runners sweat their way through Herzilia. There was childabuse never before seen on the run- including the crazy driving of a stroller, 4 year olds being forced to shlep around town ON FOOT and a kid hauled in a papoose-thing on a Virgin's back. At the halfway, Diablo led us in his signature song, Swing Low. After 7 PLUS kilometers (seriously. I know it only took 2 hours to set, but it was still 7k) and near psychosis from the claustrophobia caused by clothing + 99% humidity, the pack circled up, tried to help Goldmember think of a name for her new grandchild and then headed over to Deliverance's for a kick a$$ party. Her neighbors stood on their porch and glared, but it didn't slow our wine and beer drinking down. In the immortal words of (dearly departed) Michael Jackson, don't stop til you get enough. Hare: Twin Peaks FRB: Goldmember DFL: Boston Creamed Virgins: Grave Robber, Still Cumming & their good natured brood, Dor Returnees: Cassie,Paul, Andrewa, Seamen, Boston Creamed, Wind Breaker We are the Short Cutters, My Friends: R2D2, C3PO, Rocket, Free Willy New Shoes:  Rocket  25, 50, 75 Runs:  Semen, Pregnant Pause Give a hoot and don't pollute: Cassie, the litterbug. Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish: Diablo and Swamp Monster   RUN 796- Tel Aviv Run, On-On at Buzz Stop After! Hare: Meirav Where: Hash starts from Elazar Davis st. watch out while driving up Kaplan - on your right is a military zone... don't hassle the soldiers too much... http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source=s_d&saddr=Giv%27at+HaTahmoshet%2F%D7%92%D7%91%D7%A2%D7%AA+%D7%94%D7%AA%D7%97%D7%9E%D7%95%D7%A9%D7%AA&daddr=32.073466,34.783616+to:rav+aluf+david+elazar+tel+aviv&hl=en&geocode=FTZm6QEdeOMSAg%3B%3B&mra=dpe&mrcr=0&mrsp=1&sz=16&via=1&sll=32.074247,34.788444&sspn=0.007364,0.013797&ie=UTF8&z=16 When: Is this your first time at the rodeo? 4pm Saturday.   From Herzliya/points north via 20 (Ayalon): 1. Take the Kaplan Interchange and stay right (towards Azrieli Centre) 2. Cross Menachem Begin and go up little hill. This road becomes Kaplan 3. drive up Kaplan, when possible make a U turn 4. drive back east on Kaplan, turn right to Elazar David st. Park your gas guzzling mobile From Jerusalem/points south via 20: 1. Take the HaShalom interchange and stay left (going towards Azrieli Centre), turning left onto HaShalom 2. Cross Menachem Begin and go up little hill. This road becomes Kaplan 3. drive up Kaplan, when possible make a U turn 4. drive back east on Kaplan, turn right to Elazar David st. Park your gas guzzling mobile From Haifa/points north via 2: 1. Turn right onto kaplan street from 2 south 2. at Azrieli junction turn right onto Kaplan Street 3. drive up Kaplan, when possible make a U turn 4. drive back east on Kaplan, turn right to Elazar David st. Park your gas guzzling mobile Lost? Call Meirav and tell her you're an idiot- 054-4682008