25 June, 2009

Hash Trash Run 794, DiERECTIONs for 795- On On Afterwards!

So it was a scorchingly muggy Saturday. The pack met in a park filled with birthday parties and balloons (and scary clowns). The hares set a scenic route through town, with prostate and breast exams (aka, checks for men and women, and also men with man-boobs). The halfway at Kikar Medina and no-one saw that coming (or not). They sang "If you're happy and you know it", but we only got as far as clapping our hands. We were not happy and we knowing stomping our feet, shouting hooray or any other permutations (there are a lot. The scribe knows. Her mom is a teacher.). Deliverance became consumed with running past the windows of Cake Art- we ran past the windows in hopes of seeing tiers of fondant cakes, and… art. What did we see? Piled up tables and some bags of coffee beans. What happened to truth in advertising? Longhorny ran like a gazelle- someone had his wheaties...The circle and downdowns were going smashingly, until a little kid wandered into the middle and her (his?) father scooped the kid up and moved him far, far away from our debauchery. We then named the hare, which caught the pack by surprise. Porn Queen has officially joined the hash. Welcome.



FRB: Diablo

DFL: Quickie

Hash Kit: AmboHo

Returnees: Pregnant Pause (and her bare ass cheeks), R2D2, C3PO, Rocket

25 Runs: Long Horny

Pull Out! Pull Out! Amboho

Late Cummer: Penis Pan 

Directions to Run 795- On On Farewell to Diablo and Swamp Monster after the hash!

Hare: Twin Peaks

Location:Cheerio Park, Herzilya Patoooey, 4pm

How the heck do I get there?   Take the Highway 2 to the Kfar Shmaryahu exit.  Make a left at the light into Herzilya Pituach and continue straight on Keren HaYessod Street.  Go straight through one rotary and at the second rotary make a right onto Wingate Street.  Large grassy knoll will be visible. Meet there. We've met there before. You should remember

On On Afterwards at 6 Sara Street (Casa del Deliverance), right off of Cheerio Park.

Lost? You poor directionally challenged bastard- Call Twin Peaks 052 874 3662


New and Improved Hare Roster… from now until infinity!

Remember, if you can't set on the weekend you've been VOLUNTOLD for, YOU are responsible for finding a replacement sucker


27-Jun Twin Peaks
4-Jul Merav
11-Jul AmboHo
18-Jul Caveman
25-Jul White Pointers
1-Aug Deliverance
8-Aug Border Bitch
15-Aug Penis Pan
22-Aug Croc Sucker
29-Aug Semen
5-Sep Wet Pussy
12-Sep Fatty Tatty
19-Sep Quickie
26-Sep Long Horny
3-Oct Desperate Housewife
10-Oct Goldmember
17-Oct Fart Smeller


H4 is now on Facebook! Search "Holyland Hash House Harriers" and request to join!

Hash Scribe

19 June, 2009

New Roster! New Roster! Don't say we didn't warn you!

After much hemming and hawing, the new Hare Roster is below! If these dates don't work for you, you MUST find a replacement hare for your week.

Read 'em and Weep.

27-Jun Deliverance
4-Jul Merav
11-Jul AmboHo
18-Jul Caveman
25-Jul White Pointers
1-Aug Twin Peaks
8-Aug Border Bitch
15-Aug Penis Pan
22-Aug Croc Sucker
29-Aug Semen
5-Sep Wet Pussy
12-Sep Fatty Tatty
19-Sep Quickie
20-Sep Ramalamablingdong
27-Sep Long Horny
3-Oct Desperate Housewife
10-Oct Goldmember
17-Oct Fart Smeller

18 June, 2009

HASH TRASH Run 792, 793- DiERECTIONs for Run 794

First of all- H4 is now on Facebook! Search "Holyland Hash House Harriers" and request to join!

Ahh the hash weekend, how time flies when you're being eating alive by mosquitoes, woken up at 4am by some yobbos playing yahtzee and drinking the most delicious, cheap booze found in the holyland. The pack met up on Friday, staked their claim at Dor Beach and set up camp. Friday evening led to a 7pm hash set by Penis Pan. His run took people through the fields, through drainage ditches and around the kibbutz. Complaints were few and far between, which was highly unusual. After the run, a feast of biblical proportions was held- animal sacrifices courtesy of Hinawi and lots of salad. After dinner, the party took a boozy turn out to the beach, there were guitars, men flexing their muscles in their bathing suits and a late-nite swim. Saturday morning was less painful than other hash-weekend mornings and Meirav Iron-Cheffed up some amazing shakshuka and breakfast for us. Diablo and Swamp Monster decamped for Tel Aviv, but the rest of the group stayed strong. After chardonnay with breakfast, everyone went out to the beach for the Israeli National Petanque Championships (unofficial, mostly men's division). Desperate Housewife brought the addicting game and set up a round robin. Long Horny got a sunburn in the shape of a diamond on his back, and Caveman slept in a nearly obscene manner in his budgie smuggler under the sunshade. In a tragic turn of events, the RA twisted his ankle quite severely while running like a psychopath out into the ocean to take a leak.
The afternoon hash started late, mainly because we were all sunburnt and drunk. For a few minutes there, the scribe thought the hash would be called off in the name of more drinking. It was not. LongHorny and Dyke.Cum set a creative hash with a scavenger hunt, a swim out to the island and a competition for the most creative trash found on the hash. This competition was judged by the walkers, and while they gave points to Fart Smeller for pushing a tire the whole way back to the circle, and CrocSucker for touching someone's cast off used undies, the cake was taken by the (ahem) women's product found god only knows where. After everyone stopped vomiting from the sight, they went out to a fancy shmancy dinner in Zichron. More eating, more drinking, people went home, some campers stayed for another night of restless sleep in cheap tents (or maybe just the scribe).

DOWNDOWNS – Sorry the list sucks. Scribe didn't get one for 792, and 793 is written in hieroglyphics.

Run 792-
Hare: Penis Pan
FRB: Corporal Punishment
DFL: Scribe doesn't know because the RA didn't share the list.
Virgins to the Hash Weekend: Shaila, Maria, Corporal Punishment, Meirav,
I have no idea what happened after this.

Run 793-
Hares: Long Horny, Dyke.Cum
FRB: Corporal Punishment
DFL: FartSmeller
Returnees: Maria
Hash Kit Disrespect (I don't know why): Shaila
Mules/aka People Smart Who Walk: Border Bitch, Meirav, Maria
Dickhead: Croc Sucker
Dry Hash Kit (Made Of Sugar and Might Melt): Shaila
Desperately Needing Medical Attention: Wet Pussy, Dr. Desperate Housewife

Directions to Run 794 (and the scribe has it on good authority, someone used GOVERNMENT time to craft these directions)
When? Saturday June 20, 4pm
Where? Dubnov Garden, Tel Aviv - http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=Dubnov+Garden+Tel+Aviv,+Israel&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=33.29802,56.25&ie=UTF8&ll=32.077566,34.784925&spn=0.004118,0.006866&z=17

How? From Herzliya/points north via 20 (Ayalon):
Take the Kaplan Interchange and stay right (towards Azrieli Centre) Cross Menachem Begin and go up little hill. This road becomes Kaplan 3. Pass HaKirya and turn right onto Ibn Givrol 4. Turn right onto Shaul HaMelech 5. Turn right onto Dubnov and pull into lot (corner of Shaul HaMelech and Dubnov – free until 8 PM) 6. HASH start is in Dubnov Garden/Park
From Jerusalem/points south via 20:
1. Take the HaShalom interchange and stay left (going towards Azrieli Centre), turning left onto HaShalom 2. Cross Menachem Begin and go up little hill. This road becomes Kaplan 3. Pass HaKirya and turn right onto Ibn Givrol 4. Turn right onto Shaul HaMelech 5. Turn right onto Dubnov and pull into lot (corner of Shaul HaMelech and Dubnov – free until 8 PM) 6. HASH start is in Dubnov Garden/Park
From Haifa/points north via 2:
Turn right onto Shaul HaMelech from 2 south . Turn left onto Dubnov . Pull into lot (corner of Shaul HaMelech and Dubnov – free until 8 PM) . HASH start is in Dubnov Garden/Park

Lost? You're retarded. These are the clearest directions ever. Call Shaila- 0574206719

Please contact the Scribe for weekends you are willing to set the hash… or don't and be VOLUNTOLD.

11 June, 2009

Hash Trash- For Hash Weekend Details scroll DOWN DOWN DOWN

The pack schlepped all the way out to Kohav Ya'ir… they met in Goldmember's garden (which sounds dirty.), and a few minutes after 4 took off, running through fields, playgrounds, near the security fence/separation wall (good news! No rocks were thrown!). The scribe has no idea what happened, because she, yet again, lived the good life with the walkers. Some totally lost new-ish hashers, thankfully found the group of walkers while cruising the backstreets of the neighborhood looking for the start. Huzzah! More walkers! Anyhoo, the first half was long… very long. Not Quickie-Long, but a good 4+km.  At the halfway the group sang Old McDonald, which was a welcome relief from the constant crowing of Father Abraham. The second half quite a few runners were  corrupted and joined the walkers, but Croc Sucker couldn't handle not running, so she abandoned us midway. The 2nd half was only 2km. For once, Goldmember gauged an appropriate distance for the hash, and did not set it over the course of two days, with multiple lunch breaks and chats with friends. Long Horny even rated the run "pretty good". Hooray for the hashers, boo for the scribe, because she secretly prefers when the run sucks and she can take out her pent up rage on the hash trash.


Hare: Goldmember

FRB: Fart Smeller

DFL: Caveman

Bipolar Hashers: CrocSucker, Wet Pussy

Virgins: Inbal, Cory

Punctuality, People!/Late Cummers: JJ, Cory

Ass Kickin' Triathletes: Semen, Border Bitch

Nice Hash Kit!: Meirav

Another Year Closer to Death: Dyke.cum

50 Runs: Border Bitch

100 Runs: Swamp Monster






50 NIS pp to the Hash Cash

Camping: 55 NIS per person, per night (Note: If you are eligible to avoid VAT bring your passport and inform the reception as you arrive.)
Shirts: 30ish NIS



Something to share for dinner on Friday

Accoutrement for camping, spending days at the beach, running at the hash and klassy drinking outfitz.

Arrive from midday onwards
Get drunk
7pm Hash - All Welcome, so get off yer butt and drive up from TLV!
Hare: Penis Pan
8pm BBQ

Breakfast (supplied)
Lunch - Leftovers from Dinner (hopefully)
Get drunk at the beach
Hash 4pm - Hare: Long Horny, yet again, get off yer butt and drive up from TLV!
Dinner 7:30pm Zihron Ya'akov

Breakfast (supplied)
Depart at leisure

Take the Number 2 North from Tel Aviv,
13km after the Caesarea interchange take the exit onto the Number 70 and head inland. 
Travel 2km and turn left onto the Number 4.
After 1.5 km turn Left onto the 7011
Follow this to the end and head to the southern part of the parking lot.
The village's reception is inside the gate on the right - please pay your accommodation costs directly to the reception -  camping 55 shekels per person per night. The camping ground is straight ahead - first to arrive should stake out a claim!

04 June, 2009

Hash Trash 790, diERECTIONs to Run 791 Now with Mandatory ON ON!

The pack assembled in a dirt field smelling of equine and bovine fecal matter (crap). It was 3,000 degrees(C) outside. There were a lot of new hashers, a new hash hound, visitors from a Land Downunder and some returnees. The hare told us that the first half was longer than the second half, and ohbytheway, the run was long. Real long. He was punishing us, kind, sweet souls for reveling in a very, very short run two weeks before. Germans are real sons of guns. The first half of the run included not one, but TWO holds and not one, but TWO checks (spoil us.). The pack was spread out across what seemed like miles of hard earth, it was a veritable Bataan Death March. The pack straggled past a daylight rave in an orange grove, the sound of the booming techno only slightly drowned out the muffled complaints and cries for mercy. 30 minutes into the run, Twin Peaks realized that Boston Creamed called saying she was going to be late. Twin Peaks had promised we'd wait, but it appears that The Hash Waits for No One (when the friend you called forgets to mention it). At one point, the scribe realised we were in Rishpon and had a meltdown. Do you know how far we were from the start?! Finally, we reached the halfway a full 5+ kilometers from when we started. The group was angry. The hare tried to soothe the pack with the balm of a mini-keg of beer. This was insufficient. Why were the cups so small!? The scribe overheard the hare telling someone that the 2nd half was going to be another 5k out to the beach and back. She was going to go at the hare like a spider monkey, but was too freaking exhausted to muster up the effort. After rumblings of a mutiny, which would have meant everyone walking back to the start, the RA promised that the 2nd half would only be 2km. It was and he lives to tell the tale. But there were still no holds. People: The Hash is not about the running. IT IS ABOUT THE BEER. This is the mantra. Embrace it.
We made it back to the circle. We complained amongst ourselves. We went to Quickie and Foreplay's for barebecue, reggae and a swim in the pool. We aren't sure if we've forgiven him.
Hares: Quickie & Foreplay
FRB: Twin Peaks
DFL: RamalamablingDONG
Virgins: Paul, Julia, Eran, Roy, Octavia, JJ, Rosaria, Steve, Alfonso
Returnees: Boston Creamed
Walking the 2nd Half/Freakin' Genius! C3PO, R2D2, Rocket
Nothing Escapes the Eagle Eye of Twin Peaks/New Shoes At the Hash!? AmboHo, Goldmember
Child Abuse: Diablo, Abusee: Swampy
We Called the SPCA: JJ, and Abusee, Kennedy the Dog
Late Cummer: Boston Creamed
Not Passing the Message: Twin Peaks

Directions to Run 791:
Hare: Goldmember
Where: 7 HaKinorot Street, Kohav Ya'ir
View Larger Map
Directions: (See attached map)
From Points South... Take Rt. 4 to Ra'anana, take Rt. 554 until it crosses Hwy 6. At Tira Junction (Rt 444), go Left until you hit the entrance to Kohav Ya'ir. If you're rich and can afford a toll tag, take Route 6. Ha Kinorot (HaKinneret on some maps) is a small street to the left off of Sderot Ha'Aretz. We're meeting in Goldmember's garden.
There will be an ONON after the run- Goldmember is firing up the pizza oven. She'll provide the dough, you provide the toppings, salads, cheeses, deliciousness.
Lost? Call Goldmember. She couldn't be bothered to give us directions. 052-267-1796

We need two volunteers! HASH WEEKEND! 6/13/09

Shaila 6/20/09 Etti 6/27/09
Amboho 7/4/09

Hash Scribe