21 January, 2010

Hash Trash run 826, Directions to Run 827

Hash #826: Goldmember, This Is Your Life


The first hash under the reign of Hashtator and new RA Deliverance, despite her threats to leave at 3 p.m. sharp, got off to a late start.  Only five minutes, but still.. The group congregated in a parking lot with hare Goldmember leading us on a merry run near where she grew up in Kfar Saba.  Which, apparently, once upon a time was all farmland.  Desolate that the tree under which she was smooched for the first time was now surrounded by tall buildings, the hare led us on a trail of confusing and mostly-missed markings (at which point, we just gave up and followed her) through a moshav.  Literally.  As in, through the fields and past the fruit trees. Rebellious and tired of running through organic agrarian shiggy while accompanied by the sounds of goats, cows and a very confused rooster, the pack took fruit-stealing – errr, sampling – breaks well outside of holds, stopping en route to help themselves to oranges, strawberries and a cross between a pomelo and grapefruit which Porn Queen called "chadeques" and which sparked some unfortunate Haiti rambling on her part.  Unfortunately, none of her reminiscing conjured up any voodoo spells to move the damned hash along, since we were at a point which was NOT EVEN CLOSE to being the halfway, even though we had been running for EONS.  The halfway came at a house where Goldmember and a random tour guide proceeded to give us a history lesson on the nearby Yemenite Jewish village where she grew up (at which point, for the first time in Hash history, the pack actually begged to start singing).  "Old MacDonald Had a Hash" was sung (seriously), animal noises were made, and off we were (still ignoring the marks).  Random village denizens in headscarves glared at the shorts-wearers in the group as Goldmember led us on a detour past the house where she grew up, embraced distant cousins on the street and finally led us back to the start for the quickest down-downs in recent memory.  Dogs (welcome, Sheikh!) were abused, too many beers were poured and punishments created (or referenced from obscure Hash Parliamentary Procedure) to use up said beers.

Down Downs 

Hare: Goldmember

FRB: Fart Smella

DFL: unclear, but AmboHo drank one for the team

Late Cummers: Boston Creamed, Pig Woman

Returnee: AmboHo

What's My Name? There Will Be a Quiz: Goldmember, Croc Sucker, Semen

Shortcutting: Croc Sucker

Dog Abuse (a.k.a. SPCA no-fly list): Quickie and Foreplay

New Shoes (again.  Someone really is digging on the feet beer): Pig Woman

A Necklace Is Not a Regulation Hash Kit (but Nice Try): Porn Queen

Lids in the Circle: Deliverance and Semen

Beer Race (a brew is a terrible thing to waste): Deliverance and Fart Smella

Directions to Run 827

Meeting at 3:00 p.m. at the packing lot on the corner of Joseph Nevo St. and Jabotinsky St. in Herzalia. (behind the 7th Star's Mall). If you are coming from Tel-Aviv, continue on Ayalon North  (Rt 20) until the Herzalia exit. Get into the left lane. Turn Left at light, that is Sderot Shivat Hakochavim. Continue on that Rd. around 600 meters, and turn Left till the round-a bout. You will see the mall right in front of you. Go around the circle till JosephNevo St (2nd exit). Continue with rd - turn left again at end, and park at the far left end of the lot. If you have reached Jabotinsky st. you have gone too far.

Lost? Call your hare (Seman) - 054-440-6313

Special advice -- due to the rainy weather, the hare suggests you either: a. wear hiking or crappy boots OR b. bring an extra pair of shoes. Remember, you have been warned!!

Hare Roster - Sign up to set! The schedule is open through June!

30-Jan Porn Queen
13-Feb GraveRobber
20-Feb AmboHo
Fart Smella
6-Mar BlingDong
13 Mar Quickie
20 Mar OnOne (TastyKakes), the Bachelorette Hash
27 Mar -???
3 Apr Deliverance
10 Apr Twin Peaks

Hash Scribe

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